The official blog of University of Missouri Skeptics, Atheists, Secular Humanists, & Agnostics

What Would Creationists Think?

The pandoravirus, image created using an electron microscope, courtesy Chantal Abergel and Jean-Michel Claverie

I decided I’d break from the True Love’s Kiss series for a bit after this article about newly discovered “pandoraviruses” caught my attention. They’re enormous in virus standards, with 250 times the genes of an average virus- that’s like your seven year old cousin standing next to the Eiffel Tower. However, the most amazing aspect of this discovery is how unrelated these organisms are to anything we know; we can only figure out where 7% of their genes came from. The other 2300 genes are completely new to us- when did their ancestors split with ours, why did they evolve to be so large? I am left completely in awe of the remarkable things our world produces, like us Homo sapiens.

And that inspired me to write about some of our wonderfully stupid flaws that should make even the most devout question the idea of some intelligent designer. WWCT: What Would Creationists Think?

Too many teeth. Like, seriously. We have way more than we need, and it’s kind of a problem. We have to remove them or they go all crooked and make it hard to eat.

WWCT: Obviously God gave us extra teeth because in the old days they were always getting knocked out by barbarians and we needed to be able to fill the space. Nowadays he doesn’t take the extra teeth away because they make sure dentists and orthodontists have jobs. God is a job-creator. How many jobs has Obama created?!!

Science: Our ape ancestors have huge jaws and large teeth to grind with. When humans started to cook and eat softened food, the energy that went into making these jaws was better spent elsewhere, perhaps brains. Thus, our jaws and teeth began to get much smaller, but it never caused a large enough problem to give individuals with fewer teeth a disadvantage. We simply never evolved to have fewer teeth, and it’s a nuisance now.

My back is a hot mess. We humans have super fucked up backs. They curve in funny ways and cause chronic pain and are super easy to injure.

WWCT: I’m pretty sure slouching is what makes your back hurt, so God gave us bad backs to encourage good posture and standing up straight to get really close to Heaven. Yep.

Science: This’ll be easier with a picture.

spineOk, so we share an ancestor with chimps. That ancestor had a spine like chimps do today, where it’s a curve in the same direction all the way along. Our ancestors had some variation where the lower spine started to curve the other way, and that allowed them to have the advantage of standing up. Wooh, bipedality! The spine in our neck also had to curve backwards so we could hold our heads up straight. While this is a mechanically viable option, it puts a lot of weight stress on certain parts of our backs, so they hurt sometimes.

Our eyes are pretty much backwards. Light passes through several layers of cells before it actually gets to the part of our eyes that detect light. Blood vessels and stuff are in the way, which give us blind spots. Super inefficient.

WWCT: Well… ok, I’m not sure exactly…. The eyes are really complicated and there’s no way they could have evolved because I don’t understand how that could have happened, therefore God! Showed you, huh? *smirk*

Science: You’re using the God of the Gaps, but you aren’t even using it right because we’ve already shown how eyes could evolve in steps. First came light sensitive cells, then those cells dipped inwards and allowed for some directional sense. The rest of the steps– the aqueous and vitreous humor, retina, lens, iris, pupil, cornea- all gave greater detail and clarity and developed over time.

Problems with longevity. We’re just not very good at living. Our bodies fall apart and organs fail and it sucks nugget.

WWCT: God didn’t intend us to live so long, because He wants His children back in Heaven with him sooner and also longer life means more time for sin. Modern devil-science extended our lives, but that is against His plan.

Science: Nah, bro. With modern medicine, our species hasn’t been forced by selective pressures to evolve with longer-lasting organs. The elderly are cared for and have already passed on their genes anyway, so there’s nothing for evolution to even act on.

Maybe God just didn’t have an eraser…

So if God really did design us, he did a pretty bad job. I don’t think he even went to engineering school first. A much more reasonable explanation is evolution. What do you think?


About khuddlestonsmith

I'm a Mizzou student majoring in Biology and Psychology, minoring in Anthropology, and earning an Honors College degree.

4 comments on “What Would Creationists Think?

  1. rocketkirchner
    July 25, 2013

    kATE , i think that the evolutionist /creationist so called debate has become a red \herring that is used for power by both sides in public schools . there are certaintly very sincere people on both sides of this debate. You are one of them . but i am wondering if any of this is really getting humans any further to evolving NOW into becoming more civilized . Maybe evolutionists and creationists should drop the debates about how in hell we got here , and join forces on creativly making the world a better place to live for all. Considering the looming myriad of problems that face us , it is my conviction that this would be a good idea.

    • khuddlestonsmith
      July 25, 2013

      Rocket, I respectfully disagree. One of the most surefire ways to improve the world in the future is to encourage the growth of scientific literacy and development. Evolution is an extremely important biological concept and has modern, practical applications (for instance, ecology studies and preservation).
      Attempting to teach biblical myth alongside evolution and calling them both “science” is incorrect and damaging to the field of study as a whole.
      Additionally, just dropping this debate will only lead to more junk “science” trying to butt into classrooms.
      Science teachers being fired for refusing to teach a unit on religious studies would probably also have to disagree with you.

      • rocketkirchner
        July 26, 2013

        Kate , the only good that i have seen coming out of this evolutionist/creatonionist debate is that iron sharpens iron , and it is important to have what Mill calls ”the collison of ideas” in the public area. I am neither for evolution nor creation . so i dont think that anyone should be fired . my shurfeire way to improve the world is to ask ”what does love require ?” and then go about doing it . all the best , rocket

      • rocketkirchner
        July 27, 2013

        Kate , you will have to forgive my overly skeptical approach to both science and religion . Religion leads people away from Christ , and Science has and is creating what appears to be utopianistic things that ususally end of in an distopianightmare . examples : the atom bomb , weapons of mass destruction , genetic engineering , cloning , etc… the list goes on . of course this is no fault of Charles Darwin and his genuis and theory of evolution . i just see evolution like i said in future issue to discuss , and not the past.

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This entry was posted on July 24, 2013 by in Author: Katie Huddlestonsmith, Science, Skepticism and tagged , , , .
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